I felt such passion for her. I was gripped with the strongest desire to see her in sexual ecstasy with another man. It was a chicken and egg thought process. My desire to deny myself and give this to her made me feel compersion, which in turn made me want to express my love to her through giving her experiences with other men because only this would fully express the selflessness that is intrinsic to the compersion itself.Now that I felt this compersion, it would have been enough on its own to make me desire for her to have this freedom, and yet in what seemed like a contradiction, it was that bitter twist of being denied the very same pleasure that really gave it the kick. How could I feel compersion - selfless love - for her and yet be all twisted up with the sense of the unfairness of it all? This was some crazy fucked up shit, and yet somehow it was the sexiest, and most potent turn-on imaginable. Somehow I was able to have all these thoughts running around in my head and still. And she probably feels she's not good enough for him." Heck, he isn't going out with her because of her cooking." What a pig! I can't believe you said that."He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his chicken.Jill's father came back downstairs and took her into the TV room. They were gone for a few minutes. Jill came back to the table and John went upstairs to Wanda."Daddy wants me to show her some things about cooking." That makes sense to me." I just don't know how we're going to get together." Jill, you're looking at this the wrong way. This is perfect." What do you mean?" It's real simple. We've been trying to figure out a way to get you home from school and over to the college without you getting bothered. Make a deal with Wanda. She gives you rides and you come over here and teach her to cook. Then she can either take you to school or over to our place. Or I can come over here when I get out of school and take you home or to college. You'll get to see your father, too..
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